Well... I was beginning to believe that I didn't need this silly old blog. I hadn't had anything that really struck me as worth sitting down to spew words of frustration about until this morning...
As per usual we started our morning off with an argument about what needs to be done versus what doesn't need to be done (getting dressed versus playing transformers). I'm not sure if I'm getting used to being a "mean mommy" or if I've just heard it so much over the last several weeks that it is now background noise.
I don't feel as though we're abnormally hard on our children, and I don't think we set our standards and expectations out of reach either. Is it really that much to ask that we get showered, dressed (including shoes and teeth brushed), and fed before we play with our toys? It's odd, because although we don't have a laundry list of rules, expectations and chores you would think we torture our son. I FEEL like we torture our son. On several occassions I've stopped to wonder if maybe we are too hard on him. Getting him to do anything is like getting a root canal. You ask him to pick up his shoes "buuuuut whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy... I ALWAYS have to do evvvverrrrryyyyyyythinnnngggggg" (in the most whiny voice you could possibly imagine). What's worse is that he's not like this with anyone but us! He loves to go to grandma's and help out with chores (he just helped her clean out the GARAGE, last weekend, for pete's sake!), and at school rather than whining he tells his teacher "I'm very frustrated and upset, but I'm not going to whine about it. Soooo.. why the hell do we, the two people in the world that adore him the most, have to listen to this constant stream of whining and fussing!? It's driving me out of my tree.
This morning after asking him to get his shoes on, he continued playing with his transformers, and after being asked a second time to get his shoes on he comes running up with transformers in hand "mommy, mommy! can I bring TWO transformers with me today!?" (I generally let him bring a little toy with him on the walk to school to play with). My response of course was "absolutely not, we don't bring two toys, only one, and today we will not be bringing any toys, because you have yet to put your shoes on". At this point we're ten minutes out from my original request... Today, rather than getting the whiny fussy response, I received a huff, puff, stomp with arms crossed, lip out and no response to ANYTHING. That's right... I got the silent treatment. I hadn't even yelled at him!!! I tried the entire way to school to talk to him about different things....what they might do at school, what he was going to play with his friends, what he wanted to do after school... with each question I was welcomed with an even more intense scowl.
Does the kid not think I have feelings or something???? We're talking about my bug. My sweet little boy. The one that I would do anything for. What on earth has happened? Are all five year olds this way, or is it just mine?! I haven't the slightest idea how to fix it.
I always swore that I would be as close to my children as possible, as that wasn't something I had growing up, but wanted desperately. I feel like I'm already failing at maintaining that closeness, and Mase is only five. I can't imagine what the next 15 years are going to be like if we're already struggling the way that we are... it's quite disheartening.
As always I'll continue to push on, try to find a solution to this madness, and let the ugliness roll off my back, but ouch.
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